Passed today with no birthday song, no birthday cake, and nobody here even knows its my birthday. but it didn’t matter because all that was needed was the belief and the resolve to carry on. and that’s the best present I got. on a side note, thanks for all the well wishes friends and family :D hope we all achieve what we set out to accomplish this year. if you really care, then I must hv felt it. thanks (;
Dont even have time to post about my post As feelings. But I guess it could be summarised into a word: disappointment. This disappointment is not because my expectations were high to begin with so it seems unfair to be disappointed even when what I wanted wasn’t much. Sure there are those that make a big fuss over a single B or a few Bs, but come on at least they still have many other opportunities available besides the usual high profile courses. Bad for them then is not the same as bad for me. When i hear someone say they did badly i can’t help but think to myself “if you think that is bad then what am i, trash?” I think i redefined the meaning of bad cos nobody would think from my kind of results that i’m a student from a prestigious institution.
A couple of days ago the school sent me an email congratulating me on my “excellent” performance and wanted me to share my story as a source of inspiration for my juniors. Thinking it was some mass mail I ignored it. Then one day my faculty teacher sent me an sms telling me the school was looking for me. Upon further clarification, the teacher revealed that the school views my results as good based on my performance in j1. Ohh thanks seems like even the school didnt have that much confidence in me to do well to begin with.
Looking forward I definitely have to move on, the general feeling of disappointment will surely be present no matter how much people say its okay and how much it doesn’t matter. Sure if i can get into a course i desire and do well in it, eventually all of this wouldn’t matter. But that feeling of helplessness and resentment will always be there because at the only chance we got to prove ourselves, i messed up and they didn’t.
Already going to open houses with friends made it clear that i didn’t qualify for many of the popular courses which they could easy meet the requirements. While others are thinking of which uni to go and which course to choose, questions in my mind were whether i can meet the requirements of the bottom 10 percentile of certain courses and pray i get into something i am comfortable with.
Sure there are people around that are in the same situation but i guess we are all overwhelmed by the general feeling of excitement experienced by many as they move on to the next phase in life. Seems like everything’s going according to plan for the most of us. But for me, its all about uncertainty and trying to pick myself where i left off. Of course that doesn’t mean i am wallowing in my self pity, i know i will get there its just a little tougher.
On a side note i’ll be spending my birthday falls on a monday this year and i’ll be spending it in camp, all i want is to hear the voices of the people i care about on this special day. I hope everyone will be happy doing what they do for the years to come. that includes me btw :P
Its not fair that i always put in more effort for others. But its true that i shouldn’t expect everyone to be the same. Nvm i dont really care not much time left before enlistment anw. I want to talk to everybody before i go in, but dont think thats going to be possible. Should be going to the library to study today, but i’m not in the right mood. looks like its going to be another letdown.
Soon i’ll be answering the call of my nation. I have a feeling i’m gonna miss my cv life. I think i do take many things at home for granted. and everyday i walk in and out of the house in a hurry without appreciating all the paintings that are on the walls, designer chairs and all, somehow i really feel proud that i live in such a place. I guess the break away from home will teach me some valuable lessons.
I feel quite disappointed that it wont be as tough and i probably wont be a somebody. But i guess i’ll just make the best of what i can. After all its going to be a long time. I will make use of the spare time to learn exciting things. Made plans alr :D
Two more days of work next week and i’m done. I really learnt alot during this internship and i want to thank everyone in the office especially my bosses for teaching me so much. I also want to thank the various people who didnt mind my intrusion of their privacy and the person who called to shout at me on the phone. Thank you all. its because of the circumstances you have provided that i was able to adapt. Most importantly, it confirmed that this is what i want to do in future. I know i will make a difference.
CNY is a great start to the year i hope everything will go smoothly and everyone will be blessed and happy yay.
